You, My Saving Grace
by onlyspashley
Summary: The story of two best friends, or were they? A story that is like a real life spashley.
1. Chapter 1

The one day that I actually felt like my world was going well the inevitable happened. My best friend had turned for the worst and died in the hospital that night. That was the beginning of a really long school year. A school year I never thought I would recover from, if I even made it through.

Evan was the greatest. He always knew what was wrong with me, he was the only one I could ever trust. I could trust him even in the lowest of lows and yet that did not seem to matter. He was my best friend. A friend that I had known at the time was completely irreplaceable. My life had been shattering and until that long day and night at the hospital I had thought it was bad. That was until a few days after he had died. Once he died I was lost. Everything had gotten so much worse but I did not seem to notice or care. I had no idea who I was without Evan. I had no idea what to do, or even who to talk to. Everything was crumbling yet I did not care whatsoever.

I tried to remember all the good times that we had shared. The time he broke his arm because we were chasing each other and he ran into the mailbox. There were so many memories that we had shared together. I was not ready to let that go. Every moment of everyday I was in my own world just trying to remember everything and anything I could about Evan. They way he walked, the way he talked, the distinct scent that he had. He was my best friend and I could not just let him go, he died too young.

That year I had let myself go. I just did not care about what had happened to me. I went to school, participated in my normal activities, and just created my own bubble of existence. Even when school started I pretended everything was fine, and to my surprise my act seemed to work. My other friends had no idea what happened over that summer nor had they noticed the sudden change in my behavior. Yet, I pretty much did not mind.

As the year passed on I just continued in my ways. Then I met a really nice guy in my animation class. He was funny and nice. He eventually asked me out. I have no idea why I said yes. And to this day I still have no idea why I had said yes. Things were going surprisingly well until he inevitably brought up Evan. There once was a time in my life that I had liked Evan and that he had liked me. WE had decided that we did not want to ruin our friendship though. But anyway back to this new guy. As he started to ask more about some of the issues I had, they were some things that I did not want to remember because it always reminded me of Evan, our relationship I knew was just not going to work. As nice as he was I just could not take it anymore. I knew I was only hurting him and myself. My bubble was a much better place to be in, and I needed it. I just wasn't ready to be me again. I needed that sense of security that I had when Evan was still here. Yet once he was the gone the only sense of security I could find was that of what my other friends would call my bubble. A world that I was oh so often lost in.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

All summer long I had been by myself and this new guy. But I was never completely comfortable; I knew that I needed peace and security. I would call my best friend everyday just to talk, she was the greatest. I don't know, I always seemed to have fun when I was with her. I even found myself texting her all day long while she was at work and while I was at practice. I just felt okay when I talked to her. Sometimes it seemed as though things were going well, that things were not as bad as I thought they were. As time went by she slowly started to recognize what was going on with me yet she did not say anything to me. She had just allowed things to take there course. Field Hockey started and I had made varsity again, to my surprise, and that was when some people really started to notice what was wrong.

I did not want to tell anything and let anyone find out what I was doing and even catch on to anything that was wrong. I seemed to be hiding it all so very well, but little did I know that my best friend knew about everything, or at least had suspicions. School started and I decided I was just going to focus on school and my sports.

School had started off pretty well until a few weeks later. My best friend wanted to really get a good look inside of me. Her and her little conniving ways made a deal with me that forced me to give her my journal. That was my life. It had all my thoughts and all my ideas. The night before I gave it to her I was freaking out. What was she going to think about all the pain and torture I was putting myself through after Evan's death. I was so scared. I woke up and completely felt sick. I just wanted to die. I was so not prepared for this. Yet, I had to give it to her. Part of me really wanted to give it to her, to get it out and off my shoulders.

That night I was afraid she would never talk to me. I wanted to call her yet I knew she would not answer the phone. But to my surprise she actually did call, but she sounded as though she was crying. I knew why too, my journal had every word, feeling, and thought that I had ever felt. It had the lists of all the reasons why I should just go die. It was probably the worst thing I could have ever given to her to read. I wished I had given her one of my journals full of poems, but I hadn't.

The next few days were very weird, and tense. I could tell that she was looking me up and down for any signs of pain or the many other things I took place in. Yet, it seemed as though she could not. I looked perfectly fine, a tad bit thing, but I looked fine. She knew it was all inside though. We talked a lot about that year, the reasons why it happened and why I let it happen. I think that was the first heart to heart conversation that I had ever had with someone that even seemed to care.

And I really enjoyed talking to her. She cared, she was curious, she was kind, and she was the kind of person that I had always wanted as my best friend.


	3. Maybe?

She was a cross country and basketball star

She was a cross country and basketball star. She could run like there was no tomorrow, and she had the legs to prove it. She was as thin as a stick yet had these amazing muscular legs, but she hated them. I could often find myself staring her up and down. She was beautiful, inside and out. She was everything I could want in a person. I think I defiantly had some form of a crush on my best friend, yet I wasn't sure if it would ever go any further than just a crush. I often wondered what it would be like; if I was dating her instead of the asshole I was currently with. She was always more caring, kinder, and she was accepting of who I really was and did not want to change that. She was just more understanding and compassionate. I even began to dream about her at night. Then, at school I would start to daydream about her. I needed her, yet she was already my best friend. I wanted her to be mine, to belong to me and for me to be hers.

Soon after I realized I had more than a crush on her and so I broke up with that boyfriend, who was also getting the way of my schoolwork. I really wanted to get to know my amazing best friend on a deeper level and so I created a deal with her that would make her give me her journal. She was very reluctant but she gave in to my deal.

The day that I got her journal I was so excited and she looked miserable. She was worried that I would hate her and never talk to her again once I read her journal. All I could think was, how bad could it be? What could she possibly write that would make me never talk to my best friend (hopefully more) ever again? The only reason I could think of was that she hated me and didn't want to be my friend.

I was trying to keep my cool and relax her at the same time all day in school but she would not relax. I felt really bad and so I gave her the journal back. I figured for her to be in such misery, I really should not read it not matter how bad I wanted to. To my surprise, though she would not let me give it back until I had read it. That afternoon I skipped all my homework and began to read. There was a lot to read, a whole notebook full of her thoughts and feelings. I began to read and it was all normal stuff. Things such as how her day went, how mean her mom is, how much she hated her sister. It seemed entirely normal, well that was until I got to the most recent summer. She had a crush on one of our other close friends. I had to read that paragraph over and over. I think I read it a hundred times just to make sure my mind was not making it up. I couldn't believe it; did I really just read that?! Does that mean that I may have a chance with her?! And that is when I started to freak out. I thought about all the ways that I could tell her about my feelings for her, but then, I realized that I still had about twenty more pages of her journal left. I thought for a second, do I continue to read on taking the chance that she actually does not like girls. But then again… I thought until I decided to turn the page.

As I continued to read I was getting slightly bored. She was fangirling about someone else! One of the girls on her cross country team. I continued to read and things got even more interesting!


End file.
